A Girl's Gotta Vent.

A little background before we go any further. I've had a rough year. Maybe rough is too harsh, but at the least, we could call it an emotional year. In 12 months, I moved housing situations 4 times, started into a long distance relationship, quit my dream job, began a new job, traveled to nearly a million places, got my heart hurt, shared some laughs, shed some tears, and ended a lot of chapters in my life. I also said goodbye to some great friends, and then avoided saying goodbye to some not so great friends who totally tricked me into thinking they were great.

Oh, and I moved to the Balkans. Of my own accord, I quit a really great life, kissed my family goodbye, and moved halfway across the world to teach in Prishtina, Kosovo. Don't worry, I am aware that you are asking yourself one of the following two questions.

• Wait, where is Kosovo?


• 
  
  Isn't there a war in Kosovo?

Everyone asks one of those questions, except for the really rude people that scream the following question into my face when told of the news.

• 
  
  WHY WOULD YOU EVER MOVE TO KOSOVO?!

I used to think the people who asked the latter question were annoying and brash, but after this week, I am beginning to wonder, "why?" myself.

The bottom of my pit of emotional exhaustion was reached when I returned home from an absolutely perfect weekend in London. A weekend so sweet because my sister, who is also my best friend, met me in England for the Thanksgiving holiday. We shopped, had tea, showered in stand-up showers, ate in non-smoke-filled restaurants, visited the countryside, saw a couple of plays, drank great ciders and mulled wines, and listened to Christmas music. We also caught up on each other's lives. But as great a time as we had in London, it was an emotional morning come Monday when we had to say goodbye again.

So, needless to say, my return to Prishtina was sorrowful and exhausting.

But this is life. This is my life. And even though I live in a smog-covered city with no labor laws or honored contracts, I feel good about the work I'm doing, and I'm thankful for the changes and adventures and travels that Prishtina has awarded me.

But you know what sucks? I was already really sad, and then I got to my apartment and realized that my power was out. This is casually normal for Kosovo, so I wasn't surprised that my basic needs were not being met; I am used to not being serviced correctly here. I was, however, livid.

I've experienced heartbreak, loss of loved ones, betrayal by friends. I've been let down, bullied a bit, and been taken advantage of. I've tried my hardest at things only to fail, and I've found myself on the lonely and left out train multiple times in my life. But nothing, nothing I have experienced prepared me or even came close to the frustration and despair I felt when I realized that I had no power, no heat, and no way to fix the situation.

To add to my further emotional decline, I stepped into a puddle. In my socks. A puddle which I quickly realized came from my defrosted fridge and freezer. One smell of the milk let me know that my power had been out for days.

Apparently, my school didn't get it right when they thought it was my landlord's job to pay my utility bills. It was, in fact, their job. And just when I thought my life in the Balkans couldn't get more inconvenient and annoying, I learned that my school is also in charge of my heating bill.

And for the record, I still don't have power. It's been 7 days since I returned from London.

If you know me well, you know that one or more of the following phrases/abbreviations is flashing through my mind, right now.

• FML


• Where am I and what am I doing?


• What has become of my life?


• What the SFD?!


• Really? Really?!


• I'm just not sure why you are choosing to ruin my life right now.


• Sometimes I hate my life, and this is so of those times.


• My life just got run over by the success train. Toot! Toot!

PS I have to use an Albanian-style keyboard to type.