Student: You're dumbasses!
Me: No! It is not okay to use that kind of language in this classroom!!
Student: Um...it means something different in Albanian.
Me: You're speaking English!
Student: Teacher, can I get a naked piece of paper please?
Me: We usually say blank.
Me: Oh great! You managed to make it to class today! First time in 2 weeks.
Student: I would have come to school, but I was in the hospital. I was poisoned!
Me: Okay then. Sorry about the sarcasm. Glad you're alive.